Baby Steps of Grief

August 2008

As spring approaches and my mind wanders to the warm, sunny days ahead, I pull out memories of my hubby and his love of fishing. I will miss making a trip to Deer Creek and sitting at his favorite fishing spot, my lap filled with a computer resting on the lap desk he made. I can hear the birds, the movement of leaves in the breeze, and I smile. Below the bank where I sit, my husband rests in his fishing chair, tackle box at his feet, a pole in his hand, and his head protected with his comfortable old hat.

 

Writing outdoors brought inspiration and creativity. The quiet, the peacefulness… I wonder now what went through my husband’s mind as he sat for hours holding that fishing pole and watching the water. We never had that conversation. I wish we had.

Camping days are over for me, and I don’t think I’ll make a trip to Deer Creek to write. The memories would be too overwhelming.

There was a game I played as a child called “Simon Says.” One person would be Simon and the other children would line up in a horizontal row. I remember hearing, “Simon says take one baby step forward.” Or “Simon says take one giant step forward.” Then there was “Simon says take one step backward.” This is how the grief process works.

One day I take a baby step forward, and then there are those backward steps. Overall, I believe I’m making progress taking baby steps. Who knows? Maybe one day I will take a giant step forward and visit Deer Creek, complete with computer and lap desk.

With God all things are possible. I thank Him for the gift of words and the passion to write. Each day I pray for the strength to move on and His love never fails. I am comforted in knowing this is just a temporary separation and in the meantime I’m thankful for each baby step.

Blessings,
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