A Fragile Eggshell

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This is a picture of my beloved husband taken in 2008 before he was diagnosed with COPD. He holds my heart and words cannot express how deeply I love him or how deeply he loves me. We are two souls joined together by God.

Oh, how we loved to camp. He would fish during the day and I would sit at the campsite and write. Evenings we’d spend by a campfire, enjoying conversation and sometimes just quiet times.

On Father’s Day this past Sunday, he was rushed by squad to the hospital due to severe breathing difficulties. On the way he stopped breathing, but the wonderful paramedics kept him alive. At the hospital, he was diagnosed with pneumonia and a urinary tract infection. With COPD pneumonia can be fatal.
He was moved to intensive care and has been fighting for his life. He is on a ventilator and heavily sedated. Other complications include a decrease in heart function to 15% ejection ratio and a recurrent fever. He had several lethal arrhythmia episodes and lost his pulse, but recovered without needing to be coded. He is in severely critical condition, but continues to remain stable.
Seeing him like this has been the most difficult thing I’ve ever faced. I am strong in faith and Jesus has been carrying me most of the time, because I’m not strong enough to walk. My heart is breaking. I describe myself as a fragile eggshell that is beginning to crack. I don’t have any place to feel safe now. When I come home to rest, there is something vital missing in the house. But here, where no one can see me, I cry. My eggshell is beginning to crack and I feel hollow inside…anxious, fearful, and with a hurt that cannot be described.
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Why am I writing this in such a public venue? Because our time together is so short and can be taken away at any moment. For the past three years, I have been my hubby’s caregiver. Now he is in the hands of the LORD and the hospital caregivers. While I cling to hope, there is a strong probability that he will never come home with me again. Don’t take a moment of time for granted. Let your loved ones know you love them today and every day.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-2a  For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die.

Ecclesiastes 3:4  A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.


 


Comments

A Fragile Eggshell — 4 Comments

  1. I want to thank you for sharing your pain. Believe it or not it has helped me. My youngest son died of cancer April 17, 2013 and the grief is still very fresh.

  2. Carol I am so sorry that you are going through such a hard time. I have fond memories of you and Ron. Julie and I hung out a lot over those years. My father passed in 1992 from brain cancer…More recently my mother passed in 2007, brother and grandmother in 2008. My husband has congestive heart failure. I tell you these things because I can relate to you feeling like an eggshell. Faith and God help us through these times but it doesn’t take away the pain. I know after my father died my mom just missed the hugs and him being here. I am a nurse now and I try to help patients and families deal with loss and change in their lives…most times it’s hardest on the family. God will get you through this even if it doesn’t feel like it now. If you need anything please do not hesitate to email me!

    Love and prayers to you and the family
    Leesa

  3. Leesa, thank you for your kind words. I am sorry you have had to deal with so much loss in your life. I praise God for all the years Ron and I had together and take comfort in knowing where he is going and that we will be together again one day. May God bless you and yours.

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