I’m Going to Write a Book

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Once upon a time a smart cat decided he would write a book. He’d observed the world through his keen vision, listened in on many conversations, and had a wealth of stories in his repertoire.

He decided to seek the advice of an already published author on how to proceed and make a killing in the book market.

The author suggested that the cat first take classes and do research to learn about the business first. Perfect your craft, he was told. Learn the rules and the various ins and outs of the publishing world.

The smart cat nodded and said thanks, then walked away muttering to himself that the published author was leading him astray because he felt threatened at competition. He already knew what he was going to write about. He didn’t need to spend needless time on research or…gasp…taking classes to learn to write. After all, there was nothing to writing except for putting his paws on a keyboard and pressing the keys. Once the book was completed, the world would clamor to buy his masterpiece and turn him into a very rich, fat cat.

And so he sat at the laptop and opened a new, blank document.

He wrote continuously, except for cat naps, for many days. Finally, he typed “the end.” That was easy, he told himself.

He didn’t invest any money in having the book edited. No need. He’d edited as he wrote and the¬†book was perfect. He opened a graphics program and uploaded his picture into a book cover and added a title: Who Killed Dooby Dog? Then he added his pen name: Sly Feline.

In two flips of his tail, he had uploaded the book to a large bookseller site. Then he curled up for a long nap, some purring and kneading of his favorite warm spot in front of the fireplace.

Months passed and he eagerly searched his online sales reports but saw no sales. Three weeks later he sold one book. He was on his way! Elated, he ate a large lunch and fell asleep. Later that night, he checked the internet and saw someone had posted a review. He could barely contain his pounding heart. He was a success! He’d proven all it took was determination and a keen mind to make writing his career.

He couldn’t resist reading the review. “This book was terrible. Not only was it unbelievable, the villain felt like a cardboard figure. He had no motivation and his goal was not clearly stated or developed. This read like a children’s nursery rhyme without the rhyming words. Not worth the money I spent. I would not recommend this book to my worst enemy. The author needs to find a new career.”

And the cat wailed and chased his tail in frustration. This person was just hateful. They didn’t know genius when they saw it. And so he sat back and waited a little longer. Finally, he decided to make his book free for a few days to generate interest. He was surprised and happy to see how many people accepted his book for free! Now things were looking up.

Five days later, he had five more negative reviews, all one-star. He decided it must be the canine world who was reading his book, and of course, everyone knows how inferior a canine brain is to those of a wise cat!

Six months later, the cat unpublished his book, gave away his laptop to Dooby Dog, and decided spending most of the day napping in front of the fireplace was a much better use of his time.

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