May 20, 2015 – Love

dsc02509“Some say love, it is a river, that drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor, that leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love, it is a hunger, an endless aching need
I say love, it is a flower, and you, it’s only seed” (The Rose, Bette Midler)

One must love in order to have a broken heart–to grieve when the wedding vows slam one with reality — ’til death do we part.

The tie is severed, like an umbilical cord, but life does not begin as with a newborn…it merely continues, floundering to find a purpose.

I walk through the rooms of the home we made together and hear the silence louder than the steady beat of my heart. My broken heart. You are here in every corner of the house and your memory will linger forever.

I played the video the Christmas of 2008 when you played your guitar and sang…I saw how difficult it was for you to have the breath needed to do what you loved to do. I cried. It made me sad, but it also brought me comfort to hear your voice. I will watch it again…and again…and remember.

I knew the time would come when we’d be separated, and though it grieved me deeply, I prayed that God would take you first. He answered my prayer. I didn’t want you to have to deal with this grief, and I knew you weren’t well enough to cope with living alone. Perhaps this was my most unselfish prayer of any I’ve spoken.

I love you. I know now what it truly means to love someone forever. I go through each day, one step at a time, sometimes crying, sometimes smiling at memories, sometimes just staring and thinking of…nothing.

I’m comforted in knowing you are in heaven waiting. One day we will be reunited. Our new lives will be different. I know not what it will be, or what God’s new earth will offer. I only trust in His promises and believe our future will be awesome.

In the meantime, I will wait, sometimes patiently, and go through the minutes and hours, wading through the grief that surrounds me.

I love you. Yesterday, today, and tomorrow.


Comments

May 20, 2015 – Love — 4 Comments

    • Oh, Ann, I’m so sorry you lost your husband. There is never a good time to say goodbye. Love continues even when have to let go. Thanks for commenting. Saying a prayer for you, my friend.

  1. Carol,
    You’ve managed to so succinctly to put into words how I feel about the loss of R. And the Rose is one of my fave songs. It captures love in a few words. I wanted R to go first. He could never have lived alone. We were struggling for me to take care of him. His next step, had he left the hosp., was to go to a nursing home. We didn’t want that for him- neither did he. He was nine years older than I and I didn’t think when we were young I’d have to live my last years without him. He was my cheerleader, always. May our grief be lessened as we share our loss with others. Hugs, B

    • Barbara, I’m so sorry you had to go through the loss of your R. My hubby was 8 years older than me but he was always super healthy. Never spent time in a hospital until 2010. From that time on, his health began to decline and he’d always been so active. It was difficult for him to accept having oxygen 24×7 and not being able to go outside in the summer or winter. Only certain times when there was little humidity and no cold was he able to enjoy sitting on the deck and enjoying all the beautiful flowers he’d planted over the years. Hope you are recovering from your bronchitis! Thanks for stopping by and commenting.

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