There are no words to explain the emotions one experiences when a loved one gives up on life. Unanswered questions, regret, guilt, disbelief, and worst of all no closure.
Dealing with suicide causes you direct anger at yourself and at your deceased loved one. Questions abound as to “WHY?”
Important Things to Remember
- Don’t keep your feelings hidden. Talk to other family members, your pastor, your close friends. Talking about what happened and your feelings will keep them from festering.
- Talk about the good times and happy memories with others who knew your loved one, laugh at stories from the past, look at old pictures and keep his/her memory in your heart.
- Remember your loved one didn’t do this to hurt you. They just couldn’t stand the pain of the thoughts plaguing them…the thoughts they hid from the world.
- Don’t blame yourself. The need to find a reason, to place blame, makes it easy to target yourself.
- Don’t dwell on the act. This will only deepen your pain. There are things you will never understand, and may never have answers to your questions. Let go of these and cling to happy memories.
Links to Help
The best way I’ve found to cope with my son’s death is to remember all the good times, the laughter, and the joys of watching him grow up. I was always amazed at his tiny fingers in my hand when I held him as a baby. Then, seeing those hands learn to grasp things, and eventually build things. I loved his sense of humor, the sound of his laughter, and his creativity. I miss him, but I know that I will see him again one day. His name was written in the Book of Life when he gave his life to Jesus. I don’t think God removed his name because he gave into the weight of the problems torturing his mind. I believe he thought it was the only way to escape the pain.
It’s okay to cry. There will be times when something reminds you of your loss and you’ll break down. Let it happen. Tears are cleansing. Don’t be afraid of shedding them.
Talk to God about your grief. He already knows. Ask Him for help, for comfort, for healing. And don’t forget to thank Him for the years you had with your loved one.
Love is the way to healing. I pray you will find comfort and peace.