Through much prayer, this writer has come to a final decision. For the past few years, I’ve struggled with do I or don’t I continue writing.
It’s been a long battle with changes in direction and a stretch of nothing being published because of the internal struggle.
I miss the times I sat beside a campfire in the evening with my hubby while we enjoyed the silence and nature. I find God in nature and peace in the crackling of the fire’s warmth. But I also find Him in the quiet solitude of prayer. Stay with me for I am about to bare my soul and reveal the reality of this writer’s life.
Writing is not a lucrative career unless one is able to spend big bucks and lots of time advertising. I’m a quiet, introverted person by nature. The idea of pushing my writing on other people doesn’t appeal to me. I write because it is what I like to do.
Placing words on a blank screen or paper centers my soul. It’s a God-given passion. I began writing at an early age, but didn’t seriously consider publishing anything until 2001, at a time in my life when I had been battered by being downsized out of a day job.
At that time, I took some classes online and the joy of writing returned. My first two books were published as contemporary romantic suspense and through a publisher who wanted to see romance have bedroom scenes. I felt uncomfortable telling people what I wrote! That was the first sign that what I was doing isn’t what God wanted me to do with my gift.
I began writing Christian romance and self-publishing so I didn’t have to conform to a publisher’s guidelines. I could write from the heart and I prayed it was pleasing to God and that it would reach people and leave them with a happy heart and a desire to be a better person.
I loved telling people I wrote books. I loved talking about how God could make good out of bad, when we allow Him to ‘take the wheel.’ As my husband was ill for several years, self-publishing also gave me the freedom to take care of him without being under any pressure to meet a deadline.
Then my husband was called home to live with Jesus. New decisions needed to be made. Did I still want to write? How would I continue to support myself? We were not considered upper class. We didn’t have big insurance policies, nor a savings account with more than 5 figures.
So now I had a house with an outstanding equity loan in addition to my normal living expenses and half of the income. My writing brought in a very small amount of income, but it was enough to almost meet my expenses. Over the next 3-1/2 years, I scaled back on many things. However, my savings account dwindled. I knew I had to make a decision with God’s help.
God continues to provide. He led me to a position working as secretary for my church part-time. I enjoy the mental stimulation, being able to help people, communicate with others, and the change of scenery. The income provides to fill the gap. I am truly blessed.
Writing though has taken an even further backseat. I wasn’t finding the joy in putting my efforts toward publication. Sales dwindled. I knew I had to make a decision. Writing is a business according to the IRS. This year I wound up paying almost half of the income back in taxes. That net is less than most people make in a week.
Another worry has been what will happen when God calls me home? So I’ve been in communication with God about the direction I should take. I love to write. But what I love to write is more inspirational words, not stories. I love blogging. I love writing uplifting posts on Facebook.
This was my aha moment. God gave me a gift and He wants me to use it to bless Him and to shed some light into the darkness of our world. And so, with God’s help, the decision is made.
I am a blogger of words. Those who love what I have to say will continue to follow me here on my website and on Facebook. Perhaps they will find inspiration and a lift for their spirits. And it won’t cost them a cent. Those who only want books to read will continue to find authors who provide. I’d like to think that those who enjoyed my stories will still remain connected.
My heart is happy and I’m moving on in the direction God is showing me. I ask for your prayers and your love. God is good!