This is my cat, Templeton. When he doesn’t get the attention he wants, he creates his own entertainment. He will sit quietly, slowly turning his head to watch the end of his tail flick up and down. He is very sly, not wanting his tail to know he’s watching.
Then he leaps into action and chases his tail around and around in circles until he captures it. He then lays on it quietly until the urge to chase again consumes him.
When watching him the other day, I was reminded of how much I’ve been like him since my beloved husband was called to be with Jesus.
In a desperate frenzy, I moved furniture, heavy furniture that I could never have budged prior to this. I vacuumed, cleaned closets, sorted clothes for charity, tossed things that have been sitting around forever. Even when I spoke on the phone I was looking for something that needed cleaning…a wet sponge to wash walls, straighten pictures, dust, always busy…always chasing in circles.
When I was busy, I didn’t have to stop and think about the reality of being in a home where there had been so much activity. A home that had known the laughter and tears of all the years we’d spent together…raising children, dealing with the deaths of parents, struggling with finances, and always finding strength in our togetherness.
No more noisy oxygen machines, no television playing from morning to night, no quiet talks, laughing together, crying together.
There are days when I’m like Templeton, running in circles with no goal in mind except keeping busy. There are days when I don’t feel like moving. Days when I just sit and stare at the blue skies, watching the clouds move by, let the sun warm my chilled skin.
I stare at the walls that need painted, think about all the repairs that need to be done…
Sometimes I open my laptop and share my thoughts in a blog, like this. Sometimes I’m motivated to pour out my emotions into the book I’m writing.
Just like Templeton, sometimes I chase in circles. Other times I curl into a ball in a patch of sunshine to rest.
I bow my head to pray and hand over my burdens to Jesus. I thank our eternal God for His blessings which are too many to count.
And always I know that I’m not alone. For the God of the universe is with me. Always.