Each Monday, I think “What will I write about in my blog today?” Two days ago, I knew exactly what I wanted to talk about, but since I didn’t document it, of course it just slipped away. Aging minds are not to be counted on.
I had finished some research this morning on when one should stop getting mammograms…surprisingly, after 75 those who do test positive for breast cancer have a low chance of survival. Seems 1/3 of the elderly die after diagnosis. Interesting. For those who have no history of breast cancer in families, the probability of getting breast cancer must drop since it is after 75 they mammograms are no longer considered a necessity. So as I sat on hold waiting to make my annual mammogram appointment at age 77, I was torn as to whether to continue waiting or make the decision to not schedule. I disconnected the call.
Then my brain began thinking about something I read when Obama was preseident. There was a paragraph talking about teaching the elderly to die gracefully. Not sure if any of this was true, by the way. It’s just the way politics seem to try to create disruption. But I did think about it. I’d never heard until recently about not having those annual mammograms. Could this be part of teaching the elderly to accept their lives are nearing an end? If I were to be diagnosed with breast cancer, I’m not sure I would elect any treatment. I’ve lived a good life and I fully believe God is the one in control of my numbered days on earth. I’m not afraid of dying. I know I’ll be dying only to receive eternal life in heaven. I only worry about my loved ones and any adversity they might face when I’m gone. That comes from my maternal instinct to “protect” and yes, I admit “control.”
So I decided to let go of this mammogram thought and picked up my devotional Walking in Grace by Dalene Reyburn. Today’s reading included this: “Like change, suffering can be a catalyst that awakens something in you — a deeper urge and urgency to live fully. To invest your time and your potential in things that matter more. And that is such an excellent thing.”
This caused me to reflect on the journey I’ve traveled since my beloved husband, Ron, was called to his eternal home. I can honestly say this broke me into little pieces. Even though his health was failing, I never focused on us not being a twosome. I was lost. Only my faith in God, my relationship with Jesus, kept me walking one step at at time. It was through this grief and change that I began to focus on eternity. Fear no longer had a hold on me. I knew without even thinking about it that God is always in control and that He listens to our prayers. Sometimes He answers them as we have asked, but sometimes He has a different plan and even though this may include our suffering, His plan is ultimately good.
In this devotion I also read these words from Elisabeth Kubler-Ross: “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
And so, through my grief and suffering, I believe I found found this appreciation, sensitivity and understanding of life. Through God’s grace I find compassion, gentleness and loving concern for others. I cry when I pray or even when I think about communing with God. He is my lifeline. And I know I am blessed.
Please excuse me for being maudlin. I had no idea this is what I was going to write today. Sometimes God just takes control of my hands and my mind and the words flow. I pray only that someone will find a closer relationship with Jesus through reading these God-ordained words.
And now, to take a peak at the color I added to my life this week while being snowed in and very grateful for heat, electricity and water.
And that is the last of the pictures I colored this past week. I did complete the Christmas diamond painting! It is really beautiful. It is waiting, along with two other completed diamond paintings, to be framed. I also started a new diamond painting and am excited to finish and display it here. May your week be beautiful, may your smiles be many, and may your blessings overflow. Until next week…