My Heart is Breaking As I Write This

It is 3am as I write this. The weekend has been hard for me. My 18 year old cat Wilbur is dying. He ate only a spoonful occasionally during the past week and stopped eating on Friday. He has been very lethargic and today was in pain and distress. I had some pain meds for his brother’s arthritis, so I gave him a few drops twice on Sunday and it helped him to rest. He can’t walk and is barely breathing.

I have been sitting with him constantly since I returned from church today. When the vet office opens, I will call and take him in to have him put to sleep. In the meantime, I’m praying he will pass peacefully in his sleep.

I’m hurting so much. My heart is breaking. I have felt so alone today. I cry. I pray. I don’t want to go through another euthanasia. I need God to answer my prayer and not let him suffer any longer. This reminds me so of the night I was all alone with my husband watching him die. I kept praying for mercy and telling him it was okay to go home. This would have been the 5th day my husband was in the hospital with a ventilator just 8 years ago. This time is difficult for me because of those memories. I’m not sure why God chose this time for Wilbur to go through the process of dying. I will never know because when I get to Heaven there will be no need to remember any sadness. I only know God loves me.

I will count on Him to get me through the rest of this night and through whatever tomorrow brings. I wish I wasn’t so alone right now. I do not want any pets in the future. I know I will have to face this again soon. My 3 cats were all from the same litter. Charlotte passed just before Thanksgiving in 2020. Now Wilbur. Templeton will be sad when his brother leaves and I hope it doesn’t hasten his leaving me, too.

I so need the comforting arms of my beloved husband. It is so difficult to be alone when going through this. I miss him so much right now.

If you pray, I ask that you please pray for God’s mercy. I can’t share pictures with you today as all the color seems to have left my world right now. I will share all I did this week with you in next week’s post. May God be with you all. Until next time…

By Carol Ann Erhardt

I'm a mother, grandmother, great grandmother, and best of all a child of God. The beautiful colors in God's world lift my spirits and give me inspiration. Every morning is a new beginning, and a blessed gift from God! I enjoy a cup of tea each morning and give thanks to my Savior for life eternal.

3 comments

  1. My dear friend, I wish I’d seen this earlier. If I’d known I would have been there. My heart breaks for you. Sending prayers.

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  2. I am bawling as I read this, as I have done off & on since yesterday and I learned Wilbur condition. I hate not being there with you. I hate that you are experiencing this alone. I am sorry, Mommy. I love you.

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