This blog is personal and reveals the truth behind my introverted personality. There are times when I feel I don’t fit in. Usually this is when I’m in a social situation with people I don’t know, even though I might have close friends and family there as well. The talk and the laughter are rampant. People enjoying each other’s company. The more it abounds, the more I feel different. Why? This exhausts me. As an introvert, I need time to think about whatever is being discussed. I can put on an act! I can laugh, smile, nod, and once in a while say something appropriate. But it is emotionally exhausting. When these events come to a close, I embrace the idea of being alone, in my familiar surroundings. I need time to recover.
Writing is an outlet I seek. Why? This gives me time to think before adding words. Sometimes I look through my office window and just search for the right thoughts to convey. This isn’t a fast process, but a slow and steady flow. When I’m working on fiction writing, I absorb myself into an alternate universe and become someone new. Does part of my personality spill into the characters? I’m not sure, but it’s a possibility. I know I shed tears, feel deep emotions, and this is from the depth of myself, not fake.
I love rain. Rainy days allow me time to relax and think. I’m isolated in my safe cocoon. The likelihood of someone knocking on my door is minimal, so it is safe for me to escape into plotting a book, reading to embark into a different life, or turn to my hobbies.
Coloring is my favorite hobby. It is a creative endeavor which allows a lot of time to think about many different things in a quiet atmosphere. Sometimes I listen to an audiobook while I color. I love thinking about colors and choosing the right one to add life to the line art. This is comforting and restorative for me.
My life includes attending a weekly women’s small group Bible Study. I love these women. One of the hardest things I tackled was reaching out to a group of strangers and asking if I could join! I was warmly welcomed. I feel comfortable being with them while we discuss Jesus and share our needs for prayer. I love learning and the discussions which always reveal something worthwhile. But when it is time to leave my home and head off, I feel an urge to stay home. Why?
There is a danger of an introvert becoming afraid to venture out of their safety zone. I’m aware of this and when Satan uses this to tempt me, I have to stand up to him and remember God tells us we need to have relationships in our life to be fulfilled. Of course, I have my relationship with Him, but Jesus showed the importance of relationships with other people.
As I age and have become accustomed to living alone since my husband was called home to heaven, the introvert side of me has become more prevalent. Home is my place of safety. You might see me in a social situation and not realize I’m a true introvert, or you might think I’m reserved, or in the words of my younger days, “stuck up.” I’m not. I’m just a soul in an uncomfortable position, longing to be like you, and thinking about how I might do this.
Yes, I raised a family, and even stretched outside my comfort zone many, many times when I was younger. Making speeches to people I knew and perfect strangers. I worked as a supervisor to teams of people. Along with my husband, I taught dance moves and performed in rooms filled with strangers. He was my comfort zone and since he was a social extrovert, we complimented each other well.
I do enjoy the quiet hours spent in my little condo. Finnegan, my little cat, keeps me entertained when I’m not working (or thinking), and lets me have my quiet time while he naps. We, too, complement each other. I’m grateful God has provided this life for me. There have been years of learning and growing, and now this time is for enjoying my true personality. God knows me. He made me who I am. And I’m grateful.
Carol Ann Erhardt, Author 