This morning I entered the throne room of God through prayer. At His feet, I lifted up my thankfulness for His goodness, asked for healing of those I’ve been praying for, and for my will to be aligned with His. I also asked for strength to withstand the many attacks from Satan.
When I was finished, I wondered about my faith. Was my faith strong as it should be? Was my belief that Jesus is my savior, and the way to heaven and eternal life, equivalent to faith? Growing up never feeling good enough, never feeling accepted, left deep scars which Satan scratches and opens to bleed. And when he does this, I fall prone to questioning.
When this happens, I turn to the Word of God, the Bible, for reassurance. This morning, I turned to Romans 10. In my CSB Restoration Bible I read a note on Exercise of Faith which helped me to understand Satan’s attempt to undermine my faith. One of the paragraphs stated that when we hear the good news of Jesus, we need only believe. Nothing else is required. We don’t have to promise to do better. God doesn’t ask us to do penance or make amends. We are called to trust, not try harder. And I do trust. I do believe. I do have faith. I don’t need to try harder or wonder if what I’m doing is right or good enough.
Now I’m able to order Satan out of my mind, and out of my home, through the mighty and powerful name of Jesus. The story is written. Then end is known. And Jesus triumphs over all evil.
In restarting my revised 75 Day Soft Challenge, I have added listing five things I’m thankful for each morning and looking at myself in the mirror and talking to myself with positive affirmations.
If you haven’t ever done this, I highly recommend it. We all have our weaknesses about ourselves. I’ve always felt inferior and have had low self-esteem. It still comes through in my opinions about myself.
This morning I looked at picture of myself with my great granddaughter and saw only my inferior neck. Ugh. So I headed to the bathroom mirror to have a positive affirmation. When I first saw my face it looked old and haggard. Then I started telling myself I was beautiful, just as God created me…beauty starts from within. As I talked, I smiled and my entire face began to change. Joy and love shone through my eyes.
It is easy for me to say these things to others, but I don’t say them to myself. Now I am.
I love music, especially Christian music. I love to sing in church, though the voice in my head does not come out like I hear there! LOL! So glad God only cares that I praise Him. Flat and off-key doesn’t matter.
Since my Templeton Cat crossed the Rainbow Bridge, I have felt really alone. The silence of the house has pressed in on me. Yesterday, I was coloring and thinking and whenever my phone dinged a notification, I jumped. It scared me as if someone had snuck up behind me and said boo.
I began thinking more and more about how I needed a cat back in my life. I imagined one sitting on the desk while I’m busy or lying in my lap as I watch television in the evenings. I used excuses for not getting one, though with my lifestyle, they really didn’t matter. Then I started looking at how many people, including my doctor had said I need to get another cat. Could this be God speaking to me? This fanned another desire to get a cat.
This morning, after a really great night’s rest, praise God, I admitted I could not afford to get a pet. For the past few years, I’ve spent a LOT of money on my three cats. Each month I was taking at least two hundred dollars from my savings to care for them, more in the last year due to health issues. I am about to talk to my cardiologist because I cannot continue taking the blood thinner prescription he feels is necessary. I’m not trying to sound whiny, just realistic. I NEED to be in a better situation financially to own a pet.
What I really need is to have music in my daily life. I am playing my favorite Christian radio station this morning on my old single CD player/radio. Just the sound of the music lifts me up and makes me know I am not alone here in this place. Jesus lives here with me! I feel His presence so strongly as I listen to praise and worship music.
And I know that voice telling me to turn on the radio was from God! He always has the best answers. I do plan to search for a better radio, just a radio.
Yesterday, I stumbled across a journal my second youngest daughter gave me in 2020. I am going to use it to continue my journaling. She gave it to me for Mother’s Day in May 2020. I used it for taking study notes while I was studying my Bible and only used about 1/4 of the pages. Since it is spiral bound, I removed the pages I’d filled and now it is a perfect journal for me. There is a scripture on every page, just as I had wanted. It also has a beautiful cover.
It’s wonderful when God leads me to forgotten treasures!
So why do I journal? I’ve found it is a way to pour out my thoughts and emotions at the end of a day. We never know what is going to happen as we open each gift of a new day. Journaling is a release for me of the stresses before I go to sleep. It is talking to God while writing the words in my heart. The journal is also a place where I share my joy at God’s beautiful creations, the happy moments in my day, or the plans for a new day. In short it is just opening up my heart at any given time and releasing the words. Sometimes the words are a prayer.
I’ve often used the words, I write because I can’t NOT write! As an author, words are a part of my inmost being and I believe this is a gift from God.
I’m so grateful to my daughters who provide the means to journal, to capture scripture, and to record blessings. And I’m so grateful for a God who loves me so much and tell me I am worthy.
This year instead of reading the Bible in a year, I chose a three-year reading plan. Why? Because I wanted time to reflect on the verses I read each day. Right now I’m in Numbers.
The Pentaateuch (books Moses wrote while wandering the desert) are difficult to understand. So many laws, rituals, and sacrifices. There is no way I can retain this information, nor do I wish to. What I do want from my daily reading is to understand what God wants me to learn from what I read.
I finished reading chapter 31 yesterday and I had to immediately go to God and talk to Him. It is difficult for me, a woman, a human, not to form questions that cannot be answered. I understand the holy war was needed to get rid of impurity, after all the idolatrous activities of Baal. What I struggle with is the captivity of the women who had never lain with a man. These 32,000 women were divided among the Israel tribes. Captives. Slaves. And these women would have been very young, even tiny children. So I turned to God to ease my heart.
I can so easily fall into having compassion for things of the world. What I take from my reading is that the world has been disobeying God from the moment Eve listened to Satan’s voice. The world is filled with people living in a “me” mentality, a mentality of needs over wants. All God wants is for us to obey Him and trust Him. If we follow God’s word, we won’t go astray. Yet, we are sinful people and believe we can control our lives.
I’m praying for God to guide me in becoming a woman who asks and listens before blindly going after the wants I have. To help me give control to Him.