For the past three weeks, I have set writing aside. I don’t know why I have become almost afraid to open the manuscript. I only know the thought of opening it and trying to write the next chapter has become a thing of dread. Even to the point of telling myself I should just quit. I look at sales and see nothing for the past month, not even one page read! I am discouraged. So I question whether this is what God wants me to do.
I’ve questioned this since I started writing in 2001. As I think back, I remember how this same thing happened on every book I’ve written except the very first one. I wrote that one without thinking whether it was good or bad. It was something I’d thought about doing, and I just did it because I was unemployed at a time in my life when I had built a successful career and felt lost. So I wrote.
After being published in several Chicken Soup for the Soul books, I felt the call to continue. My call? Or God’s call?
To this day, I don’t know the answer. What I do know is I can open the manuscript and finish it. But I really don’t want to do that. I keep feeling as if I shouldn’t feel pressured, even if it is of my own doing, at this stage of my life. I want to enjoy my time. I want to spend more time in God’s Word. I want to write, but from the heart, on this blog, and not fiction. I did enjoy finishing Katy’s Heart. The book was well received by my fans. I felt encouraged. So I wanted that feeling to continue and began writing a new story. And that’s where I am now. On the downside of the middle and not wanting to move forward.
I wonder how many other writers have felt this way? And so, I pause…