making decisions as a widow – Carol Ann Erhardt, Author

Talking things through when there is no one to give feedback can be a simple task for one who lives alone. This morning I was trying to decide if I want to move a table back into my office for Bible study and journaling. I talked it through by writing down my “want” and the pros and cons. Made my decision and will be moving the table into my office this morning.

I love spending time in my Bible. I read through it each year and I use a different version every year. This year, however, I am doing a three-year plan. I really love it because I read it slower and have time to think about what I’ve read. There is something new I learn in each chapter no matter how many times I’ve read it!

My daughter bought me a verse mapping book which I’ve barely touched. I decided to purchase a mapping plan on the armor of God. I’m excited to work through it and anticipate spending colder days inside with God as I study and map. In addition, the small group I attend has been watching The Chosen. We are in Season Two now. I’ve had the Season One Study book but haven’t worked through it! I want to do that, and I want to purchase the Season Two book to do next.

As for puzzles, I’ve worked all the ones I currently have, and haven’t decided it I want to continue working puzzles this year. To do so, I would have to do them on the kitchen table and hope covering them would keep Finnegan from “helping.” And that would also mean eating at the breakfast bar. I don’t mind doing that, but I’m afraid it might encourage Finnegan to use the stools to get onto the counter, which he has not done to date.

I realize this has been a hodgepodge of thoughts in this blog. What I’d like to leave you with is this. There are always decisions we have to make. Being retired and a widow hasn’t stopped the decisions from being part of my everyday life. Living alone can become a stale routine, but if we find creative outlets, we will find creative ways to achieve them. The little decisions we make utilize our thought process and keep our brains active. Have fun finding a better way to spend your winter days!

Yesterday my Rav4 groaned a bit before starting. On Saturday, I started it and let it run for 10 minutes since it has been so cold and I haven’t driven much. I hoped it was simply the cold.

But when I came out of church, the same thing happened. I began thinking back and I don’t believe the battery has ever been changed. My friend and I drove to the local pizza restaurant where we eat on Sundays after church. The snow was coming down pretty heavily so we decided to order our pizzas to go so we could each make it to our homes quickly. Ha! When we go to the door, there was a sign stating that due to unforeseen circumstances they couldn’t open before 1. No pizza yesterday!

When I got into my vehicle, the car again hesitated before starting. I began wondering where I could go to get a battery on short notice…on a Sunday afternoon…with the roads slippery and snow falling. I came home. But I backed into the garage because I am afraid it might not start today.

I wanted so badly to talk to my husband, but the chair is empty now. He would have calmed me down and known exactly what to do. I miss him so much. It’s been eight and a half years, but his presence is still sorely missed. He was my better half.

Our years together were so filled with love and life, even when he became too ill to do things outside the house or the main floor inside. We still shared our lives. We talked and I miss that a lot. There are days when I don’t make a sound. All I hear are the sounds of my home and occasionally the meow of my cat.

Today I still face the problem of getting my Rav4 someplace to get the battery changed. I searched yesterday and couldn’t find the battery cables to have someone jump the vehicle if necessary. My family will all be working, so I can’t call on them. I gave up AAA two years ago.

I just want my husband to be in the chair so I can sit on his lap and be held. I want to feel the warmth of his hug and to tell him I love him.

I know God is here with me. I know that. I have talked to Him about this many times and I know He understands my sadness. I’ve also prayed for Him to bless me in this situation with the battery. I sip my cup of tea as I wait for the time to pass so I can first try to start the engine before I call the dealership as I can’t think of a better or closer location.

I know there are others just like me who deal with an empty chair, and I pray for them today as I pray for me.

Tag: making decisions as a widow

Winter Days, Creativity, and Decisions!

When the Chair is Empty