Senior Life

Until Death Vow

On Saturday, I attended the wedding of my grandson and his love. I was happy to be able to see their smiling faces at the moment they were declared husband and wife. Both families shouted with glee.

Though my heart was thrilled to be part of this beautiful happening, I felt set apart from everyone. My husband was missing. It’s been over 9 years but at times like this his passing feels immediate. Part of me is not there.

When I’m in the solitude of my home, I can accept the change my life has undergone. But when I’m out of this comfort zone, it’s difficult. I see other couples together, and happy as I am to see this, I feel as if I don’t belong.

Our church has a senior ministry that meets once a month to chat, play games, and share a meal. Everyone looks so happy, and though it should be appealing to me, it isn’t. Because there are mostly couples there. I’m not a couple. It’s not anyone who makes me feel unwanted. It’s just me. I long for my husband to share these moments with me as it used to be. When we could talk about it later, sharing our thoughts and being comfortable together.

Weddings are wonderful. I’m beyond happy for my grandson and his new bride. For the life they are going to build together, and I pray it will be filled with all the joy my hubby and I once shared. I thank God I was able to see them pledge their love. I am truly blessed! I am grateful to have lived long enough to see grandchildren get married and have children. I am grateful to be a great grandmother. But for this season, I remain a woman who understands the words, “until death do us part.”

Senior Life

The Little Faith Sheep

It is Thursday evening as I write this post for Friday morning. I returned home from my small group gathering a short time ago. We were finally able to have our little Christmas party which we postponed several times due to illnesses.

Oh, the wonderful food made by everyone! We had veggie pizza, banana muffins, chicken salad on croissants, cheeseball and crackers, grapes, pretzel candies, apple pie biscuit bombs, and vanilla ice cream. Needless to say we had plenty of delicious food to eat.

Our table conversation had many elements. We talked about fish. All kinds of fish and seafood, including sushi. Should say everyone else talked about fish they liked…shark, octopus, red snapper, crab, salmon…and I just shuddered. I am not a fish or seafood lover. Some of the things they talked about made me wish I hadn’t eaten prior! Like fish prepared with the head and tail intact, including eyeballs! Oh, no!!

Finally we switched to talking about our churchwide fasting and what each of us had decided to give up. We talked about our prayers and scriptures. We all shared different things and what we were doing. I told them about the more in-depth Bible studying I’m doing this year and about my verse mapping journal.

Then we decided to play our game with the presents we had brought. We picked numbers and chose a gift, opened it and then another person would choose, decide if they wanted to open the gift or exchange with someone who had already opened a gift. Not a single person chose to exchange. I was delighted with the little faith lamb I received.

It is sitting by my monitor on my desk to remind me to keep faith as I write. I know God is leading me and whenever Satan tries to place doubt, I will be reminded about having faith and trusting God when I look at the sheep.

It has been a wonderful day and a good week. I’m enjoying the evening quiet time so much. Why did I ever think television was a good thing? Until Monday…may your weekend be filled with God’s blessings.


A Heart of Thanksgiving

This is Thanksgiving week. I’m happy to be joining family gathering at my youngest daughter’s house and to not cook a turkey. She always gives me easy things to contribute. But I do miss the smell of Thanksgiving and the leftovers. I did purchase a 3 pound turkey breast which is in my freezer. I’ll make a mini Thanksgiving meal for myself in December when I decorate for Christmas.

This time of year can bring moments of sadness with missing those who have been called home. I’m thankful to turn into the arms of Jesus for comfort. He reminds me this is only temporary and one day He will lead me to them. In the meantime, this is the life I’ve been given and each day is a gift to enjoy. I smile because this life is good and filled with blessings.

Yesterday my grandson called to tell me he had proposed to his girlfriend and she said yes! Oh, what happiness filled my heart. Other family members are struggling in various situations. I know God is working in their lives, too, and I trust Him for healing their hearts. He is faithful.

The world is filled with suffering and hate. Yet, I stand firm in my faith that God is working in the background and there is no reason to fear. I’m looking forward to family gatherings, family meals, laughter, love, old memories, and new memories to be made.

Trying to give my eyes rest this week, I colored one picture this week while skyping with my daughter. It has been a quiet week of resting and prayer.

It is my prayer that I will live each day from this day forward with a Thanksgiving heart! Until next time…