I’m a Slow Learner!

I find it difficult to fix a meal I can have for just one sitting. Usually I have leftovers for four to five more meals! Eating is something I do as a necessary habit. It isn’t really enjoyable…not like it was when I cooked for a family. I’m not sure how one adjusts to eating healthy at home when cooking for one. I’ve tried recipe books, I’ve tried frozen meals. And I’ve tried eating at fast food joints. Nothing satisfies. So I resort to my tried and true meals that once fed several people. And leftovers.

For a while I used an instant pot. I was able to make a meal in a short time by cooking the meat and veggies together. Yummy. Why aren’t I continuing to do this? It seems to be a lack of planning or wanting to plan meals that I don’t enjoy eating alone. I don’t remember any other time in my life where I ate alone. I came into this world eating with my mom! From that time on meals were family gatherings. Until my hubby moved to Heaven.

I’ve been in an adjusting period for over 8 years now. And I’m not adjusting well. I fill my cabinets and freezer with easy to grab food. I use the air fryer because it is quick. I’m quickly becoming the person my mom was after my dad passed. I remember calling her in the evening only to hear her say she had crackers and butter for dinner with a glass of milk. Now I understand.

I live a happy and contented life otherwise. I love my home, my hobbies, my friends, my family. I love the time with God. The quiet times. God is good! I think I’m just a slow learner.

Lifting my cup of tea and wishing you all a happy day to enjoy this day the Lord has made!

Another Long and Quiet Sunday and I Miss…

Sunday. Some Sundays tug at the deepest emptiness in my heart. Not every Sunday. But when those long and quiet Sundays drag on, I can feel the tears building behind my eyes. That’s the me I hide behind a smile when I am with others. I’ve perfected the smile as part of the widow’s mask.

It has been 7 years, 3 months and 15 days since my hubby’s soul went to heaven. Not a day, hour, or minute goes by that I don’t miss him. Most days I keep busy and bury the sad thoughts with happy activities. I am blessed to have family and good friends. Jesus is my daily companion. So, why this long and quiet Sunday?

Ah, those good old Sundays when hubby and I would have brunch after church and then head to a little fish joint to enjoy a senior dinner together where we met new friends and often reunited with old ones. Life was fuller then. We had each other for company. We shared hugs. We kissed. We loved. And then he was gone.

The reality of living alone settled on me and oh, how I struggled to find a new normal. I’m not sure I’ve found it yet. What my days consist of are hours of keeping hands and mind busy so the absence of voices isn’t the loudest thing in my home.

Perhaps the blessing is that I’ve always been a bit of an introvert. Never enjoyed the party scene or being in a crowd of acquaintances and strangers. I much prefer a smaller, intimate group of friends. With the pandemic, it has been a plus that I’m used to living alone. But, those long, quiet Sundays emphasize I’m alone with my thoughts.

I miss my family. The impromptu drop-ins, the conversations, the smiles, the hugs, the love. Have you ever felt alone in the midst of family? Have you ever hurried to pick up your mobile phone when you hear a text come through hoping it is a contact from a family member? Have you ever tried to explain you don’t mind living alone, but miss the company of others? Sigh.

But God…

When I’m feeling Satan tap on the lonely part of my heart, I can find comfort from God. I pick up my Bible and read. I pray. I shed tears.

And I blog . . . because it is a long, quiet Sunday and I miss . . . voices.