The Eyes of the Heart

How do you view the world? I fell into a slump last week when the weather shifted to cold and rainy. I felt totally out of touch with everything! I lost interest in coloring, in reading, in every escape I enjoy. I wanted to sleep to avoid what I lacked feeling. My emotions were topsy turvy and tears threatened constantly. Yet, I couldn’t understand why I was like this. It just wasn’t me.

I prayed for God to help me. I didn’t even know what to ask for, other than His help.

Yesterday, Sunday arrived. I woke feeling much better. As the sun dawned on a beautiful morning, I decided to rearrange the living room just a little. I smiled as I did this, feeling energy rising through what had been a lethargic body. I smiled as the day brightened even more. I left for church wearing only a light flannel shirt over my clothes to warm my arms. As I sang, watching my youngest daughter on stage singing her love for Jesus with a beautiful smile, my heart lifted. God was in the sanctuary, as He always is on Sunday mornings.

After church, I enjoyed lunch with one of my best friends. A couple from church came in after us and we shared a smile and greeting. I laughed. I smiled. I felt in touch with God’s world again.

At home, I opened all the windows and breathed in the warm, fresh air. My son-in-love and grandson came by for a short visit and moved my round glass-top table to the porch. I cleaned the porch, sprayed to deter the spiders and bugs, and cleaned the sun screens. The porch is ready for mornings with Jesus!

I took a walk in the beautiful, warm, sunshine and was happy to complete four laps around the condo area! Slow but steady is building up my muscles and I so enjoyed walking with the warm sun hitting my body. All in all it was a beautiful day. As the sun set, I smiled thinking back over the awesome day God had provided. Then He spoke to me telling me why I’d been out of touch with everything. I had been looking at God’s world with my eyes, but not with my heart.

As I woke to another lovely spring morning, I looked out the window with the eyes of my heart. I saw a striking cardinal fly across and land in one of the pines. Nearly took my breath away! Oh, how much better I see when I look through the eyes of my heart!

I colored only 4 pictures last week which I’ll share with you now:

Book: 50 Nightime Mandalas by Kameliya Angelkova
I colored this using only glitter gel pens.

 

Book: Steampunk Special Issue 47 from Colouring Heaven
Artist: Hannah Lynn
Completed this one with markers.

 

Book: Chibi Girls Grayscale 2 by Jade Summer
Colored this with markers and white gel pen for accents.

 

Book: Fairies Grayscale Fantasy Coloring Book
Images by Ruth Sanderson
Colored this with oil pencils and added glitter.

 

I’m looking forward to this week. Weather is supposed to be in the mid sixties with sunshine most days. Planning outdoor walks and even some coloring on the porch. After being cooped up for so long, the freedom of enjoying the world outside the walls of my home is intoxicating. God reminds me He is still in control. Our pastor yesterday gave us this advice for when the devil reminds us of things in our past we have been forgiven for to remind satan of his future! I’m going to remember that! May you all have a fabulous week…until next time!

 

 

 

 

Another Long and Quiet Sunday and I Miss…

Sunday. Some Sundays tug at the deepest emptiness in my heart. Not every Sunday. But when those long and quiet Sundays drag on, I can feel the tears building behind my eyes. That’s the me I hide behind a smile when I am with others. I’ve perfected the smile as part of the widow’s mask.

It has been 7 years, 3 months and 15 days since my hubby’s soul went to heaven. Not a day, hour, or minute goes by that I don’t miss him. Most days I keep busy and bury the sad thoughts with happy activities. I am blessed to have family and good friends. Jesus is my daily companion. So, why this long and quiet Sunday?

Ah, those good old Sundays when hubby and I would have brunch after church and then head to a little fish joint to enjoy a senior dinner together where we met new friends and often reunited with old ones. Life was fuller then. We had each other for company. We shared hugs. We kissed. We loved. And then he was gone.

The reality of living alone settled on me and oh, how I struggled to find a new normal. I’m not sure I’ve found it yet. What my days consist of are hours of keeping hands and mind busy so the absence of voices isn’t the loudest thing in my home.

Perhaps the blessing is that I’ve always been a bit of an introvert. Never enjoyed the party scene or being in a crowd of acquaintances and strangers. I much prefer a smaller, intimate group of friends. With the pandemic, it has been a plus that I’m used to living alone. But, those long, quiet Sundays emphasize I’m alone with my thoughts.

I miss my family. The impromptu drop-ins, the conversations, the smiles, the hugs, the love. Have you ever felt alone in the midst of family? Have you ever hurried to pick up your mobile phone when you hear a text come through hoping it is a contact from a family member? Have you ever tried to explain you don’t mind living alone, but miss the company of others? Sigh.

But God…

When I’m feeling Satan tap on the lonely part of my heart, I can find comfort from God. I pick up my Bible and read. I pray. I shed tears.

And I blog . . . because it is a long, quiet Sunday and I miss . . . voices.